It’s been a long time since I’ve written for the blog. The fact is I don’t know what to say. I’m fairly certain the fall off occurred about the same time as I dedicated myself to putting out a podcast episode as close to once a week as I could manage. I sort of feel like I shouldn’t repeat myself, and it’s so difficult to come up with content for the show I don’t have anything new leftover.
I suppose I should understand that not everyone who reads listens and vice versa. So maybe this should be the start of posting to the blog more often.
I also feel like I have unattainable standards to meet. My friend Kate is so eloquent when she blogs, I want to be that kind of blogger, but the words don’t come to me very easily. I always feel like I’ve left the story short. That my shorthand thinking comes through too much and I’m leaving the reader with half a thought. Maybe it’s true, I don’t know.
I mentioned to Kate that I was going to head out in the rain (we had a brush with hurricane Florence this weekend) because I was so bored. She suggested I take pictures as I drew on what I was feeling at the moment and make a blog post about that. That didn’t work out so well. I am so good at blocking off my feelings that often I can’t unblock them. I rarely experience my feelings and I don’t understand them all too well when they do come through.
I just recently put out what I am calling the 100th episode of the podcast. I called it the 100th because it was the 100th episode of me talking about my feelings. There are, in fact, three other episodes that were different experiments. They are still live and can be listened to, they just are significant departures from the ordinary shows.
The 100th was a show with Nora, my favorite. I love listening to her, talking with her, just being with her. It seemed the logical choice for the arbitrary accomplishment. I’m trying hard not to belittle the act of putting out so many shows. I’m trying to accept the fact of it. I’ve put out 100 episodes. It’s not good or bad, just a fact.
That I’ve brought it up in this post makes me feel like a braggart. My natural instinct is to not talk about me and the things I do. I’m just a super flawed guy. I’d much rather talk about my girls or my wife. They deserve the adoration, not me.
There I go, placing value on things instead of accepting the truth of them. I’m a guy who has blog and a podcast show. I’m also a dad, a step-dad, a husband, an employee and on and on. I guess I’m a lot of things. Here’s to hoping I can be a healthier person as the days go on.
Thanks for reading. Be safe and be well.