I Should Be Running
It’s 8 in the morning. I’m lounging (yes that’s right, lounging) at a McDonald’s in south east Michigan. The sun has just come up over the trees outside which has forced me to change seats so not to be blinded. I should be running.
I’m on this quest to get back to running. It (re)started back at New Years when I resolved to run a half marathon this year. Well, I’ve let a good part of the year slip by without really getting to it. Sure I managed to tear my meniscus late last year and that hobbled me to start this year, but after receiving a cortisone shot I was pretty well pain free. I should be running.
Now here we are, the last day of August, with precious little time to spare to train to complete a half marathon this year. 12 weeks is about the minimum amount of time I’ve seen for training programs. Turns out I found a race to sign up for. The race is November 23rd, which happens to be 13 weeks from today. So I should be running.
So why am I here with my legs kicked up on the booth bench? I should be running.
I’m procrastinating. No that’s not true, I’m stuck. I’m having trouble making the decision to go. I’m dressed for it, I’ve got my headphones, I just need to get up and go. I, however, feel the need to express myself. To talk about something. To connect.
I’ve come up to Michigan to be with my mom and dad. Things aren’t looking too good for Dad in hospice. I fully expected to arrive here yesterday and find that he had passed. Things were looking that dire Thursday afternoon. Instead I found him awake and semi coherent. A long way from the unresponsive to all stimuli on the day before when Hospice visited him.
This has been the way with Dad for the past few months. A really bad day followed by decent days.
Through it all I’ve been concerned about how Mom is handling things.
How Dad is handling things. Is he aware that he is dying? What is that like? Does he want to hang on?
I don’t know how to answer any of these questions.
I guess I’ll go running.